The pill conundrum

So at the end of the day, and it’s been a bad day, I feel like I need one of the “anxiety pills” but I can’t.   I’m only allowed two per day as needed and we are past that line for the day.   I’m torn.  I hate how I feel.  I hate the pills.  I hate the damn pills more than I can say.   the ball of ice is here and it’s growing and it’s something that sucks in so many ways.

Im scared because I don’t have the tools to take care of myself.  I’m angry because I need them to take care of myself.  Im sad because I feel like I am losing control of myself and who I am.  Damn it.  Damn the pills.  Damn the hole in my mind.

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