So at the end of the day, and it’s been a bad day, I feel like I need one of the “anxiety pills” but I can’t. I’m only allowed two per day as needed and we are past that line for the day. I’m torn. I hate how I feel. I hate the pills. I hate the damn pills more than I can say. the ball of ice is here and it’s growing and it’s something that sucks in so many ways.
Im scared because I don’t have the tools to take care of myself. I’m angry because I need them to take care of myself. Im sad because I feel like I am losing control of myself and who I am. Damn it. Damn the pills. Damn the hole in my mind.