I can’t do this alone … and I think it’s folly to think I am alone. My support system is wide and varied, from my wife to my kids, to my extended family, to the medical side of things with the therapist and the psychiatrist as well. The frustration I feel though is palpable because I feel like I fail daily at things that should be getting easier. Things that shouldn’t require a whole lot of thought or intention to get done now require all that I have and more sometimes. And it frustrates the hell out of me.
Acknowledging that failure is expected with this is hard. I’ve got a 31 year head start on telling myself that I am a capable person at functioning and performing and expecting it all of myself … and these six weeks frankly have turned my world, and my family’s world upside down.
So yes, I will shrug and fail daily, and probably drop things here and there that haven’t been dropped before. That doesn’t make me less of a man does it? I’d like to think that it makes me more of one for being willing to admit it.