Waiting …

And waiting, and waiting, and waiting.   

  • For the meds to kick in and for the love of it all, equalize.  
  • For my brain to stop feeling like it’s on fire all day every day. 
  • For the insecurities that this process has drawn out in me for completely unreasonable reasons to fade away.  
  • For my perception of me to become clear again.  
  • For the fog in my brain, that affects my vision, my mind, and my heart to lift.
  • And finally, for the several business decisions I’m waiting on this week to hurry up and come down.   I’m a generous soul, I’ll even take just 51% of them falling in my favor.   

I’m grasping at straws, but I need something to make the pendulum move back in the upwards direction.   Before diagnosis and meds and starting therapy, I would have just called this a funk.    Now that I’m aware of what’s going on in my heart and mind I can’t just push it under the rug that way.   

I crave the high.  I need the high.  I miss my mania.  

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