A dear friend of mine is way into weather. I found the photo above today and thought I’d share it. I am going through some storms right now, that’s for certain. Today has been a full swing all the way up, and all the way down on the pendulum. Unfortunately, I’ve found myself back on the low end of the spectrum, and it’s damn exhausting. I’ve come to a place where I get tired mentally first, and the physically doesn’t happen until much later (if at all).
How long have I been the brain on the right? My therapist made the strong assertion last week that everyone is at some place on the spectrum for every disorder in the DSM-V (the “bible” of mental health diagnoses). Has the severity just spiked in the last 120 days? Or have I been pushing it under the rug for 31 years and finally something just snapped? Either way, this picture really clarifies the thought that “my brain is on fire,” doesn’t it?
I saw that same commercial for a bipolar medicine tonight. Why me? Why does this storm have to exist in my brain? After six weeks of knowing it any embracing it as such, I swear to goodness I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemies.
Megan will tell you that I am stubborn (or she may use the word passionate, depending on how I’ve been acting that day – LOL!). If that means that I turn to stubbornness to fight this crap, then so be it. This conflict in my mind certainly can’t be fought by conventional methods, can it?
My goal with all of this … why I take the damn pills, why I cry my eyes out, why I go through therapy, why I fight myself to save myself … is to feel peace again when I think about who I am and what I bring to the world.