Never thought I’d be a Walgreen’s regular …

But when I picked up my new prescriptions this afternoon the pharmacy tech recognized me, and asked how I had been.

Like it says in An Unquiet Mind, the meds, always the meds – to take, forget to take, resent, take them again, resent and take them again, but always the meds.

So – here it is, another two weeks have passed and another visit with psychiatrist.  Today’s appointment was probably the best to this point, but still just so out of character.  It just never feels natural to go and sit down in a psychiatrist’s office.  She sees improvement, but there are still things that are concerning to her and for that reason we are increasing the dose on one medicine, and adding a third to the mix – this one for paranoia.  It’s hard not to not believe that when I’m typing it about myself.  Her concern is that paranoia puts me at a deeper risk to take more self-destructive actions, and it hasn’t dissipated by this point in the process so she wants to address it directly.  It’s another notch in the medication merry-go-round.

The last two weeks have been better if I really sit down and break it all apart into small pieces.  I am trying to find the small things that are positive – they are there, if I look really closely.

  1. Megan has been a rock.  Without her I couldn’t fake like I’m making this, let alone actually do it.
  2. Megan has loved Manic Will, and loved Depressive Will.  I think she really just likes my blue eyes 😉
  3. I have felt at times like I can see light.  It has been so cloudy for so long that for there to be a break in the darkness is a nice change, and something that I’m trying to hold on to.

I picked up a new book today at Barnes and Noble, another one by Dr. Kay Jamison.  It’s called Touched with Fire: Manic Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament.  

The focus continues to be finding people who have lived and lived well with this disease. I’m trying.


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