There’s been a lot of waiting with my new existence of bipolar. We’ve got to wait until the meds kick in. We’ve got to wait until the next appointment. We’ve got to wait until the things equal out in your body and head before things will feel better. We’ve got to give therapy a chance before we quit on it.
Now today, in unrelated waiting, I’m sitting in a dealership waiting for my car to get some maintenance and service done on it. It’s a super nice dealership and I’ve been able to get a lot done but at the root of it – it’s still waiting.
There’s a correlation here – we need to care for our bodies and minds regularly. That way, by maintaining them, there’s less of a need for time consuming, costly, difficult, and hard repairs. Elder Holland called it “depletion depression,” when he referred to the need for self maintenance.
The same can be said for parenting. There are some days when, despite how hard it may be, you need to just sit back and play with the kiddos and enjoy the chaos of two children in a happy home. It’s been hard for me to do that, because one of my triggers is when I feel like I am slipping or not performing as a father. Then the question always becomes – are you a good dad when your kid loves you because it’s all fun all the time, or are you a good dad when your kid hates you because you’ve dared to discipline them.
Listen – my dad IS the Normal Rockwell painting of an American father. Kind and gentle. Calm and patient. Taught me how to throw a baseball in the yard. Taught me the infield fly rules. Taught me to be the value of loyalty and faithfulness as an employee, and not the ever ever underestimate the value of a full day’s work. So in my mind, I have a lot to look up to, and live up to.
So I’m writing about parenting … while trying to parent … while waiting to become a good parent … while trying to survive in a recently diagnosed bipolar world … while waiting at a dealership.
Make sense? Thought so.