#winningwithbipolar … until you’re not.

It’s been a whirlwind last 36 hours and I am mentally beat.

While I much prefer positive posts, and I will do my best to keep this from being negative – bipolar won today.

Yesterday was one of those perfect days where mental illness and medication and manic depression weren’t part of the script.  I went with my wife to a presentation at my daughter’s school in the morning, we went home after that and did some yard work outside and it felt good to accomplish things together.  From there we were able to have fun with the kids and just enjoy the day.   In the afternoon, we went out and did some errand running – the likes of which have not happened much at all since I started medicine.

Meds brought out anxiety.  Anxiety made (I’m speaking past tense here) it difficult to do simple things like just go to the grocery store.  When we did that yesterday, as a family, and I didn’t have to wear sunglasses for the whole time I was in the store, or feel like I was dying the whole time we were in the store, it was a win.  I won against bipolar yesterday and it felt amazing.  It felt so … dang … good.

Today started out excellently as well.  It’s Saturday today, and so we unofficially renamed it “Lowe’sDay.”  After a fun trip to iHop we went off to Lowe’s and picked up some things that were needed.  Meg and I decided that our next project will be to install storm doors on both the front and back doors of the house – no big deal right?  We’d done a color match, a prior visit to check out the realities and decide what we wanted, and then today’s final visit to make the purchase.

And then I bought one of them in the wrong size.

And bipolar staged a late game come back and won today.

It wasn’t a huge thing.  It’s not like I don’t have the receipt and can’t return it all, but this just destroyed me for some reason.  It probably has to do with measuring, or forgetting to measure the door before we purchased.  I can blame it on the meds, because they’ve destroyed my memory.  I can blame it on bipolar, because I’m prone to highs and lows.  Either way … it made a huge difference in how the day finished.  Either way, I was more upset about a door than about decisions I made in parenting this evening.  A door.  I was mad about a door.

Either way.  Bipolar won today.

I am not happy at how today shook out, but here’s the Pollyanna moment for this posting:  This post, and how this evening played out are as low as I think I’ll go here.  Two months ago, I was in a place where A.) I wouldn’t be in Lowe’s in the first place and B.) I would have taken two klonipin and not be sleeping more than an hour tonight.

Things are improving, slowly.  This blog makes a difference.

I will continue to be #winningwithbipolar as frequently as possible … I’ve got to have that outlook.  I’m a believe in believing after all.


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