It’s been a month, today, that I got out of the inpatient facility where I was the first week of April. In that month, the new me … John William Walter the 4.5th we will say, has learned a lot.
- I’ve got to work every day to keep myself mentally progressing – blogging is part of that, so forgive the sometimes overkill frequency with which I post.
- I have a whole host of reasons to be happy, really happy with my life.
- The work I am putting in now pays off on a daily basis.
- I must take all of this on a one day at a time basis.
- I can still be a good person – a good husband, father, and employee – despite my diagnosis and meds. But it takes that daily work to do so.
- Bipolar is not a death sentence.
- And much, much, more.
I think now, at a month out, I am more comfortable with my realities. The best parts of being out have been the decrease in anxiety as I use the coping and grounding skills that I was taught there. I can do most things now that had been taken away from Feb 17 – April 6 due to to the medicine.
It also means that it’s time to get even more serious with therapy work and be sure to continue to improve on myself. Yesterday with my therapist, I came to the realization that I still am fighting battles from my eating disorder and body dismorphia challenges back in 2003-2005. That sure dovetails nicely with bipolar doesn’t it? Surely, more to come on that as we go. I’m starting to see the weight gain that everyone on these wonderful antipsychotics describes … so I’ve got to be sure that as I deal with that, my mind doesn’t go to those horrible dark places that it’s been before, thanks to my ED demons. I think I can do that though – I really believe in my success as an attainable thing.
I am still imperfect, but I’d like to think I’ve at least got a firm grasp on the direction I need to be pointing myself to survive. As someone who believes in a Higher Power, and divine plans … I think I’m finally at peace with the reality that perfection isn’t attainable in this life. Getting to 85-90% of an existence is a pretty good place to be.
With a slight course correction, and adjustment in my vision – I feel better about the course I’m taking. I know who my pilot is, and how He is driving.