Sometimes I feel like I need to fill this screen with words. My illness makes me watch the word counter in the bottom right and make sure that it goes up and up and up. That can lead to oversharing sometimes?
This blog isn’t a negotiable thing though … writing, or the written word, has the ability to change the world, and it certainly changes my life on a daily basis. The (digital) pen is truly mightier than the sword. This pen has conquered numerous panic attacks, has been directed by the Spirit, with regards to what I’m saying, and is a large part of how I hope to feel like I’m healing.
I’m putting my soul out here though because I have to. There have been too many blank screens in my life staring back at me through the years, and I cannot ever let that happen anymore. If this is where I’m putting my emotions – if this is the valve that I’m opening to get the emotions out, so they don’t build up and boil into a manic episode then that’s what I’ve got to do. Through the course of the last four months since diagnosis and I have realized that I didn’t talk enough during the course of my life – and especially during the last few years as this got severe. Again, the blank screens. That’s why this can’t happen anymore.
So … to be concise – I’m sorry if it feels like I write just to write sometimes, or if the words don’t necessarily flow the best. Know that I’m putting my whole heart and soul into every word I type, and that every word helps me.
Y’all are the best. Thanks for being here.